On Tuesday the LDS Church Public Affairs office confirmed that Mormon apostle M. Russell Ballard is on Twitter (@M_RBallard)—and that “other church leaders” would “also be using Twitter in the near future.”
Well, the near future turned out to be very near indeed, because this morning LDS Living is reporting that 14 of the top 15 leaders of the LDS Church are now tweeting (as themselves, and not via the official @LDSChurch account).
We are left to wonder what they will tweet, however. Just for fun, here’s an affectionate and purely hypothetical series of their imagined apostolic tweets.**
@ThomasSMonsonRemembertheS: It is our duty to care for the poor among us. That reminds me of widows. Have I ever mentioned widows before?
@HenryBEyringNerd: Science & religion aren’t in conflict. So check out my new iPhone, folks! Now taking a selfie with the 12 at #ldsgenconf.
@TheRealDieter: God is love. You are loved. Be happy and grateful! Also, now is the time on Sprockets when we dance.
@BoydKGrizzlyBear: There is an unwritten order to Twitter. Followers, obey tweets without question. And make memes of my bird pictures.
@LTomPerry91: Hi, I’m the oldest apostle. This Twitter thing is swell. How bout those Red Sox? Wait, what do you mean I’m out of characters?
@DrRussellMNelson: The BOM is a gift from God to all humankind. If you don’t start reading it, I’ll get you with my scalpel. (Just kidding.)
@DallinHOaksEsq: [Reproduction of this tweet by third parties is prohibited. Content not to be licensed on billboards, t-shirts or plushies.]
@MRussellB: No, I’m actually not Russell M. Nelson. We get that all the time. I’m flattered, but you really don’t want me cutting you open.
@RichardScottGoingNuclear: The Savior loves you and will forgive you your past transgressions. Yes, even that one. That one too. Srsly.
@ElderRDHales: Selfishness suffocates spiritual senses. Also, alliteration always activates angelic awareness. Amen.
@JeffHollandPhD: Church members: Don’t you quit! The blessings are coming. Everyone else: We’re Christians, darn it. We’re Christians.
@DavidTheKidBednar: I’m the youngest of the Q12 so you’d think I’d be 1st on Twitter, but that Elder Ballard just loves his social media…
@QuenCook: Best. Day. Ever. Let there be light! Let there be optimism! Can you tell I used to live in CA? BTW, LDS women are incredible.
@DToddChristoff: God is the gardener. He’ll prune you into what he wants you to be. It’s fun to be pruned. You’ll love it, we promise.
@NeilNewbieAndersen: Bonjour! Hola! Oi! I’m the newest kid on the apostolic block. Elder Eyring, can I be in your selfie? Can I?
** You can find their actual Twitter handles in the LDS Living article. These are just ones I made up. I would not suggest using them.